Painterman Posted October 19, 2021 Report Share Posted October 19, 2021 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vista Posted October 20, 2021 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2021 Not really a joke as such, still made me laugh though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vista Posted October 26, 2021 Author Report Share Posted October 26, 2021 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vista Posted October 28, 2021 Author Report Share Posted October 28, 2021 A nun walks into the Mother Superior’s office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh, heavy with frustration. “What troubles you, Sister?” asked the Mother Superior. “I thought this was the day you spent with your family.” “It was,” sighed the Sister. “And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.” “I seem to recall that,” the Mother Superior agreed. “So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?” “Far from it,” snorted the Sister. “In fact, I took the Lord’s name in vain today!” “Goodness, Sister!” gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. “You must tell me all about it!” “Well, we were on the fifth tee — and this hole is a monster, Mother — 540 yard par 5, with a nasty dogleg right and a hidden green … and I hit the drive of my life. The sweetest swing I’ve ever made. And it’s flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted … and it hits a bird in mid-flight!” “Oh my!” commiserated the Mother Superior. “How unfortunate! But surely that didn’t make you blaspheme, Sister!” “No, that wasn’t it,” admitted the Sister. “While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!” “Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!” sympathized the Mother Superior. “But I didn’t, Mother!” sobbed the Sister. “And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!” “So that’s when you cursed,” said the Mother Superior with a knowing smile. “Nope, that wasn’t it either,” cried the Sister, anguished, “because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!” The Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said … “You missed the f**king putt, didn’t you?” 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rally Pack 2000 Posted October 29, 2021 Report Share Posted October 29, 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vista Posted November 2, 2021 Author Report Share Posted November 2, 2021 Warning, James Bond spoilers follow....... The woke brigade are making a new Bond film. At the end of the film he transgenders to female. Popular rumour is that the title for the upcoming 26th outing for Bond will be Cocktopussy. 👍👍 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katana Posted November 2, 2021 Report Share Posted November 2, 2021 This made me grin . . . . . . Blind Pilots ! An airliner is fully boarded and ready to push-off from the gate, when two blind pilots enter the main cabin. The pilots both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a white cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for a lake at the edge of the airport. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands. In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says, "You know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die." 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Painterman Posted December 16, 2021 Report Share Posted December 16, 2021 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vista Posted December 16, 2021 Author Report Share Posted December 16, 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vista Posted December 19, 2021 Author Report Share Posted December 19, 2021 😆 VID-20211218-WA0007.mp4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Painterman Posted December 24, 2021 Report Share Posted December 24, 2021 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vista Posted January 8, 2022 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2022 What an idiot, imagine trying twice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray Posted January 13, 2022 Report Share Posted January 13, 2022 got sent this this morning, if you know who it is then youll see the funny side of it 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colr6 Posted January 13, 2022 Report Share Posted January 13, 2022 I bet that pics hung up in his garage 😂😂😂😂 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rally Pack 2000 Posted January 13, 2022 Report Share Posted January 13, 2022 On 25/12/2021 at 06:21, Painterman said: This makes me laugh so hard cause I did use a new meatloaf tray once when I was a teenager. One could say I was doing the world a favour though as the meatloaf mum used to make were only good for wheel chocks! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vista Posted January 14, 2022 Author Report Share Posted January 14, 2022 17 hours ago, Rally Pack 2000 said: This makes me laugh so hard cause I did use a new meatloaf tray once when I was a teenager. One could say I was doing the world a favour though as the meatloaf mum used to make were only good for wheel chocks! I got caught using the dishwasher to wash engine parts. Topical one for you @Rally Pack 2000 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Painterman Posted January 18, 2022 Report Share Posted January 18, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Painterman Posted January 18, 2022 Report Share Posted January 18, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Painterman Posted January 18, 2022 Report Share Posted January 18, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vista Posted February 1, 2022 Author Report Share Posted February 1, 2022 Stronger erections delivered next day? I forsee a need for very careful planning on pill taking times! 🤔 Awaits inevitable piss taking on the ads my browser is auto feeding me 🤣 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rally Pack 2000 Posted February 1, 2022 Report Share Posted February 1, 2022 4 hours ago, Vista said: Awaits inevitable piss taking on the ads my browser is auto feeding me 🤣 Its scary the amount of information they collect about you and how accurate the targeted advertising can be! (Sorry but you literally asked for it 🥰) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katana Posted February 1, 2022 Report Share Posted February 1, 2022 2 hours ago, Rally Pack 2000 said: Its scary the amount of information they collect about you and how accurate the targeted advertising can be! (Sorry but you literally asked for it 🥰) Come on Scott - don't take that lying down - RISE TO THE OCCASSION ! 🤣 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vista Posted February 1, 2022 Author Report Share Posted February 1, 2022 4 minutes ago, katana said: Come on Scott - don't take that lying down - RISE TO THE OCCASSION ! 🤣 It was an Australian website I saw it on, apparently the guys there need a little extra lift. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rally Pack 2000 Posted February 1, 2022 Report Share Posted February 1, 2022 4 hours ago, katana said: Come on Scott - don't take that lying down - RISE TO THE OCCASSION ! 🤣 4 hours ago, Vista said: It was an Australian website I saw it on, apparently the guys there need a little extra lift. The biggest Australian stereotype myth is that its all blond big busted bikini babes. Its not and round my way particularly its not pretty. Thats where the drunken beer swilling stereotype is totally true, it clouds the vision and judgment and helps you forget what you have just done the night before! And that just what the ladies are forced to do! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vista Posted February 2, 2022 Author Report Share Posted February 2, 2022 22 hours ago, Rally Pack 2000 said: The biggest Australian stereotype myth is that its all blond big busted bikini babes. Its not and round my way particularly its not pretty. Thats where the drunken beer swilling stereotype is totally true, it clouds the vision and judgment and helps you forget what you have just done the night before! And that just what the ladies are forced to do! I am under no illusions! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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