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A nun walks into the Mother Superior’s office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh, heavy with frustration.

“What troubles you, Sister?” asked the Mother Superior. “I thought this was the day you spent with your family.”

“It was,” sighed the Sister. “And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.”

“I seem to recall that,” the Mother Superior agreed. “So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?”

“Far from it,” snorted the Sister. “In fact, I took the Lord’s name in vain today!”

“Goodness, Sister!” gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. “You must tell me all about it!”

“Well, we were on the fifth tee — and this hole is a monster, Mother — 540 yard par 5, with a nasty dogleg right and a hidden green … and I hit the drive of my life. The sweetest swing I’ve ever made. And it’s flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted … and it hits a bird in mid-flight!”

“Oh my!” commiserated the Mother Superior. “How unfortunate! But surely that didn’t make you blaspheme, Sister!”

“No, that wasn’t it,” admitted the Sister. “While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!”

“Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!” sympathized the Mother Superior.

“But I didn’t, Mother!” sobbed the Sister. “And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!”

“So that’s when you cursed,” said the Mother Superior with a knowing smile.

“Nope, that wasn’t it either,” cried the Sister, anguished, “because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!”

The Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said …

“You missed the f**king putt, didn’t you?”

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This made me grin . . . . . . Blind Pilots !

An airliner is fully boarded and ready to push-off from the gate, when two blind pilots enter the main cabin.

The pilots both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a white cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up.

The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.

The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for a lake at the edge of the airport.

As it begins to look as though the plane will plough into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air.

The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.



In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says, "You know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die."

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On 25/12/2021 at 06:21, Painterman said:

20211224_171108.jpg

This makes me laugh so hard cause I did use a new meatloaf tray once when I was a teenager. One could say I was doing the world a favour though as the meatloaf mum used to make were only good for wheel chocks!

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17 hours ago, Rally Pack 2000 said:

This makes me laugh so hard cause I did use a new meatloaf tray once when I was a teenager. One could say I was doing the world a favour though as the meatloaf mum used to make were only good for wheel chocks!

I got caught using the dishwasher to wash engine parts.

Topical one for you @Rally Pack 2000

FB_IMG_1642152274913.jpg

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