BIG G Posted January 30, 2024 Report Posted January 30, 2024 On 28/01/2024 at 11:50, Rally Pack 2000 said: All the friends that I have that own Mk2 Escorts are all RS2000 owners and im the only one with a flat nose so I have a bit of a meme joke around with them about it (Droopsnoot vs Flat) . Would it offend RS2000 owners if I posted the memes here? Its all meant in fun jibing and they come back with some good ones in return. 😀 Do it 😀
Rally Pack 2000 Posted January 30, 2024 Report Posted January 30, 2024 10 minutes ago, BIG G said: Do it 😀 6
Miniliteman Posted January 30, 2024 Report Posted January 30, 2024 Do you need a pilot's license for your RP James? 1
Rally Pack 2000 Posted January 30, 2024 Report Posted January 30, 2024 29 minutes ago, Miniliteman said: Do you need a pilot's license for your RP James? Hahaha. Ive been assured there are 4 RS2000s owners plotting a revenge meme! 😀 You know the strangest thing is that I have had that photo for decades it was taken back in 1978 and this Saturday the racing driver who is behind the wheel is going to be at a car event and I thought it would be nice to get him to sign it as part of a little display people do with their cars when they go to events. Its a four door as well so you don't see many photos of action 4 doors let alone a Rally Pack like mine. Its being co-hosted with the RS Owners Club though and not sure at this stage if they will let me come along. Would be good though to get the photo signed if im allowed.
Miniliteman Posted January 31, 2024 Report Posted January 31, 2024 19 hours ago, Rally Pack 2000 said: Its being co-hosted with the RS Owners Club though and not sure at this stage if they will let me come along. Would be good though to get the photo signed if im allowed. You could have borrowed my special "access all areas jacket" .... 1
Rally Pack 2000 Posted January 31, 2024 Report Posted January 31, 2024 3 hours ago, Miniliteman said: You could have borrowed my special "access all areas jacket" .... That would work very well!
Vista Posted February 29, 2024 Author Report Posted February 29, 2024 Oh dear, what a pity, never mind! 4
Vista Posted April 19, 2024 Author Report Posted April 19, 2024 The other night I was invited out for a night with the lads. I told my wife that I would be home by midnight, “I promise!” As time went by, the hours flew and the beers and rums disappeared far too quickly. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realising my wife would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with her. (Even when totally smashed… 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos= MIDNIGHT!) The next morning she asked me what time I got in, I told her “MIDNIGHT”…. She didn’t seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then she said “We need a new cuckoo clock.” When I asked her why, she replied, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said “oh shit” Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, laughed, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted. 🍻🍻🍻🥃🥃🥃🥃 2
Miniliteman Posted April 19, 2024 Report Posted April 19, 2024 22 minutes ago, Vista said: Quickly, realising my husband would probably wake up, Ehhhh 😲
Vista Posted April 19, 2024 Author Report Posted April 19, 2024 1 minute ago, Miniliteman said: Ehhhh 😲
Chriscross Posted April 19, 2024 Report Posted April 19, 2024 2 monkeys in a bath, 1 monkey says to the other "oooh, aaaaaah, ooooh" the other monkey says "put some cold in then!" and you can tell that one to your kids and grand children! 1
Vista Estate Posted April 20, 2024 Report Posted April 20, 2024 20 hours ago, Vista said: The other night I was invited out for a night with the lads. I told my wife that I would be home by midnight, “I promise!” As time went by, the hours flew and the beers and rums disappeared far too quickly. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realising my wife would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with her. (Even when totally smashed… 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos= MIDNIGHT!) The next morning she asked me what time I got in, I told her “MIDNIGHT”…. She didn’t seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then she said “We need a new cuckoo clock.” When I asked her why, she replied, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said “oh shit” Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, laughed, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted. 🍻🍻🍻🥃🥃🥃🥃 We can all relate to this 🤣
Vista Posted May 4, 2024 Author Report Posted May 4, 2024 I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said let’s get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled----WHAT?" I then said "honey, I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial means as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" 🤔 Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either. Women......! 3
Vista Posted May 14, 2024 Author Report Posted May 14, 2024 An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl. 3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter. 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?' The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.' 4
Dave Knight Posted May 16, 2024 Report Posted May 16, 2024 Cornwall council have cancelled their tribute acts concert………….. They couldn’t decide whether to put The Jam on first or Cream. 2
Vista Posted May 17, 2024 Author Report Posted May 17, 2024 23 hours ago, Dave Knight said: Cornwall council have cancelled their tribute acts concert………….. They couldn’t decide whether to put The Jam on first or Cream. There are two ways of doing that. 1. There is Jam first 2. There is wrong! 1 2
Dave Knight Posted May 24, 2024 Report Posted May 24, 2024 Travel news just in…a coach containing session musicians has overturned on the M6 northbound. The AA are warning of lengthy jams. 1
Chriscross Posted May 25, 2024 Report Posted May 25, 2024 A guy wakes up in hospital after a road accident, looks down beneath his gown and his penis is gone! There’s nothing there, he’s looking bereft as the doctor walks in. The Dr says you’ve seen haven’t you? He says ’yes’. The doctor says don’t worry, by chance you’ve been brought to the only UK hospital that does penile transplants and we’ve got three in the fridge downstairs waiting to go, just choose one and we’ll have it on you in seconds. Dr says, this obviously isn’t on the NHS you’ll have to pay. The guy asks how much? Dr says we’ll the first one is your typical English penis, £2000, the next is a Scottish penis, under a kilt all it’s life, £3000 and the last is your traditional West Indian £5000. The guy says I need to speak to my wife first as I’m not allowed to make financial decisions without her. The Dr says I understand that, I’ll bring her in for you to discuss and I’ll pop back to see you later. 10 minutes later the Dr sticks his head through the door and asks ‘what you having then’? he says ‘a new kitchen’ 1 3
Vista Posted May 29, 2024 Author Report Posted May 29, 2024 Do you fart in bed ? If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I’ll pray for you. This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, “Honey you were right… all these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you.” “What do you mean?” asked his wife. “Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened, but by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in…….............…..” 3
Chriscross Posted June 2, 2024 Report Posted June 2, 2024 A man from the UK was attacked by a shark whilst on his honeymoon in Australia, he later died in hospital, Doctors said he didn't suffer for long as he'd only been married for 3 days. 3
Vista Posted December 1, 2024 Author Report Posted December 1, 2024 Last night whilst watching television I said to the wife "you know what you're the absolute double of Jennifer Aniston". She gave me a cheeky grin and said "really?" I said "yes sweetheart ,she's 9 stone and you're 18" I truly appreciated everything the paramedics did last night. I'm in Ward 15, and I'd like some visitors... 3
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now