dictionary for the drunkerds (adult content kiddies)

[Burns]

blatantly stolen off boners.com

 

number 39 had me laughing for ages

 

1. Abra-Kebabra:

A magic act performed on Saturday night, where fast food vanishes down

the performer's throat, and then shortly afterwards, it suddenly

reappears on the taxi floor.

 

2. Aussie Kiss:

Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

 

3. Back End of the Batmobile:

The state of your Brass Eye soon after you eat a really hot curry. "I

had a Ring Stinger in the Benghazi restaurant last night, and now I've got a

dose of Gandhi's Revenge. My arse feels like the back end of the Batmobile."

 

4. Beaver Leaver:

or Vagina Decliner. A homosexual.

 

5. Beer Coat:

The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise

at 3 in the morning.

 

6. Beer Compass:

The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a booze

cruise, even though you're too pissed to remember where you live, how you

get there, and where you've come from.

 

7. BOBFOC:

Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.

 

8. Boiler Suit:

The prosecution charge that you did wilfully, and with phallus

aforethought,

score with a Bobfoc last night. This charge is usually brought by a

kangaroo court of your friends in the pub on Saturday night.

 

9. Bone of Contention:

A hard-on that causes an argument. e.g. one that arises when a man is

watching Olympic beach volleyball on TV with his girlfriend.

 

10. Breaking the Seal:

Your 1st piss in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking

the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required

every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

 

11. Budgie's Tongue:

or Small Man In A Boat, or Tongue Punchbag. The female erection.

 

12. BVH:

Blue-Veined Hooligan. The 1-eyed skinhead.

 

13. Cider Visor:

Beer Goggles for the young drinker.

 

14. Cliterature:

1-handed reading material.

 

15. Cock-A-Doodle-Poo:

The bowel movement that, needing to come out urgently, wakes you up in

the morning to get to the toilet quick.

 

16. Crappuccino:

The particularly frothy type of diarrhoea that you get when abroad.

 

17. Double Bass:

A sexual position in which the man enters the doris from behind, and then

fiddles with the doris's nipples with one hand and her Budgie's Tongue

with the other. The position is similar to that used when playing a double

bass instrument, but the sound produced is slightly different.

 

18. Etch-A-Sketch:

Trying to draw a smile on a doris's face by twiddling both of her nipples

simultaneously.

 

19. Fizzy Gravy:

or Rusty Water. Diarrhoea.

 

20. Flogging On:

Surfing the Internet for some left-handed websites.

 

21. FuckShitFuckShitFuckShit:

The sound made when driving through too narrow a gap at too high a speed.

 

22. Going For a McShit:

Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're

just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your

declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is a McShit

with Lies.

 

23. Greyhound:

A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

 

24. Hand-to-Gland Combat:

A vigorous masturbation session.

 

25. Hefty Cleft:

or Horse's Collar, or Welly Top. Description of a very large vagina.

 

26. McSplurry:

The type of bowel movement you experience after dining for a week in fast

food restaurants.

 

27. Millennium Domes:

The contents of a Wonderbra. i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from

the outside, but there's actually fook-all in there worth seeing.

 

28. Monkey Bath:

A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Oo!

Aa! Aa! Aa!".

 

29. Mystery Bus:

The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet

after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the

pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

 

30. Mystery Taxi:

The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake

up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your

bed instead.

 

31. NBR:

No Beers Required. Someone that you'd chat up instantly in the pub.

The opposite of a 10-Pinter.

 

32. Picasso Arse:

A doris whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got

4 buttocks.

 

33. Sperm Wail:

or Spuphemism. A verbal outburst during the male orgasm.

 

34. Starfish Trooper:

or Arsetronaut. A homosexual.

 

35. 10-Pinter:

Someone that you'd only chat up after drinking at least 10 pints.

 

36. 2-Bagger:

Someone that you'd need 2 paper bags to have sex with. (1 to cover their

head, and 1 to cover yours, in case their bag falls off.)

 

37. Titanic:

A lady who goes down first time out.

 

38. Todger Dodger:

A lesbian.

 

39. swank Seance:

During a masturbation session, the eerie feeling that you're being

watched

with disgust by your dead relatives.

 

40. X-Piles:

Unwanted visitors from Uranus.

[Daggle]

That went down well with the boys at work

[Jelly]

That's stolen from The Army Rumour SErvice..

[spooner]

no 10 pisses me off,soooo true

[Burns]

okay, it's blatantly stolen from boners.com who theived it from the army rumour service

 

better