Smudger105e

One thing though, Belvior is pronounce Beaver

Rich, got those free rail tickets yet, or have I got to send proof of your course?

Do it on line, they know if you're insured, they know if you have an MOT, just print the form off to prove you have taxed it. No probs, I have donre it on line a couple of times and it is pretty easy...

Don't worry mate, I had to have it done twice!! Can't keep a good man down.

On your own there then it seems

Suzy Audi Quattro must be 60 now, how can you think she is no more minging than Sally James? Now what about Timmy Mallets sidekick, Michaela Strachan then...?

Burns, the old Pug looks almost respectable there. Can't see the dent in the sill where you almost took out the petrol pump though...

I do that, too!! Thanks sonny Burns. Ilson boy now me dook. Just up the hill from the Charnos Factory.

The 105e Club's van man knows a thing or two about gearboxes, if you're struggling. Either e-mail me at tommytenpin@yahoo.com or Neil at 105speed.com. Or does the Van Man frequent these pages too?

Miami Vice? Nah, had to be Minder or for you Old Skool Ford types, the Professionals. Shut it!!

But when I saw the post titled two-tone, I thought it meant the Anglias with the different colour tops and the chrome strip under the windows...

Buster was much fatter than that when I saw them in concert, but he's even thinner now, you seen him?! Madness and Bad Manners, all good sing along stuff

And Burns' birthday is Jan 24th, coz I was there. He took 24 hours to come out, does that say something about him? And when I said come out I meant... you know what I meant!! Childbirth, not gaymanship.

yeah, Daddykins, but I am off to bed now...

47

Or Mum?

Would that be a drive-through shooting then?

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have? Female customer: A white one... ============== Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button? Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck. Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note. Customer: No,wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet.. it's still on my desk... sorry.... =============== Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen. Customer: Your left or my left? =============== Tech support: Good day. How may I help you? Male customer: Hello.. I can't print. Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and... Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates. =============== Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it... =============== Customer: I have problems printing in red... Tech support: Do you have a color printer? Customer: Aaaah....................thank you. =============== Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am? Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11. =============== Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer. Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. Customer:! OK Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you? Customer: Yes Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah..that one does work... =============== Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7. Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters? == ============= Customer: can't get on the Internet. Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password? Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was? Customer: Five stars. =============== Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use? Customer: Netscape. Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program. Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer. =============== Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears. =============== Tech support: How may I help you? Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail. Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem? Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it? =============== A doris customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. Tech support: Are you running it under windows? Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine." =============== And last but not least... Tech support:"Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager." Customer: I don't have a P. Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob. Customer: What do you mean? Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob. Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

No, I'm on nights, and just got a spam telephone call ffs. Wole me up, B'stards

'Ello Dad? They all know, now, Son!!

Customer: Morning, Waitress: Morning. Customer: What have you got? Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon, egg sausage and bacon Egg and spam Egg, bacon and spam Egg, bacon, sausage and spam Spam, bacon, sausage and spam Spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon and spam Spam, sausage, spam, spam, spam, bacon, spam tomato and spam Spam, spam, spam, egg and spam Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam. (Choir: Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Lovely Spam! Lovely Spam!) Or Lobster Thermidor aux crevettes with a mornay sauce served in a provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and a fried egg on top and spam. Wife: Have you got anything without spam? Waitress: Well, the spam, eggs, sausage and spam That's not got much spam in it Wife: I don't want any spam! Customer: Why can't she have eggs, bacon, spam and sausage? Wife: That's got spam in it! Customer: Hasn't got much spam in it as spam, eggs, sausage and spam has it? (Choir: Spam! Spam! Spam!...) Wife: Could you do me eggs, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam, then? Waitress: Iiiiiiiiiiiich!! Wife: What do you mean 'Iiiiiiiiiich'? I don't like spam! (Choir: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!) Waitress (to choir): Shut up! (Choir: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!) Waitress: Shut Up! Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam. Wife: I don't like spam! Customer: Shush dear, don't have a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it, I'm having spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam, and spam! (Choir: Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!) Waitress: Shut Up!! Baked beans are off. Customer: Well, could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then? Waitress: You mean spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam and spam? Choir (intervening): Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam!

Now suppose I owe someone on here some money. Suppose that someone is Burns. And suppose it's seven quid I owe him. How do I pay him? Does he deserve it? Should I charge him interest for controlling his finances?