Dear Sir or Madame
i have tried to phone you to explain the situation with the account ref ******** but unfortunately your phone lines seem to be manned by unevolved pond life that has just crawled out of the primordial ooze. All i can say is that it is lucky that they have head sets as i don't think that they actually have opposable thumbs. I have explained why you did not receive your payment this month but unfortunately your phone staff do not listen (i guess they are too busy picking the peanuts out of they're poo or learning to write they're name on the wall with their own faeces). To parody the old song, "Fish gotta swim, ****** Financial gotta waste natural resources." From what I understand, ****** Financial refuses to come to terms with reality. It prefers instead to live in a fantasy world of rationalization and hallucination.
As i have explained to them i did not make this months payment due to the fact that i have had no receipt from you to say that you received the first payment i made. i admit that i did use some long words to your phone staff and i should of realised that most of them probably haven't got past spot the dog in their badly needed reading classes. Nevertheless, you should realize that I have often maintained that reasonable people can reasonably disagree. Unfortunately, when dealing with ****** Financial and its companions, that claim assumes facts not in evidence. So let me claim instead that ignorance is bliss. This may be why ****** Financial's associates are generally all smiles. While we are on the subject of your phone staff can i suggest that we give all of them type writers that way we could find out if it is true that given enough time they could type out the complete works of Shakespeare(that is a reference to chimps thought i best explain that just in case one of the phone operators manages to read this).
As i said i have asked for receipt of payment from your company for the first payment i made but i have been refused this basic legal right that we have in this country.
I'm probably not the first to mention that if it were up to ****** Financial, schoolchildren would be taught reading, 'riting, and racism. Under these conditions,****** Financial has warned us that in a matter of days, the worst kinds of belligerent unsympathetic-types there are will incite pogroms, purges, and other mayhem. If you think about it, you'll realize that ****** Financial's warning is a self-fulfilling prophecy in the sense that ****** Financial is extremely pompous. In fact, let's see what my Pompous-O-Meter has to say about it. Whoa! The needle is off the scale! It's a good thing I checked, because the tone of ****** Financial's ideologies is eerily reminiscent of that of lethargic, impetuous troublemakers of the late 1940s, in the sense that ****** Financial periodically puts up a facade of reform. However, underneath the pretty surface, it's always business as usual.
Fact: ****** Financial is morally debased and has no convictions of right or wrong.
Fact: I could go on in this same vein for hours.
Fact: ****** Financial has inherited the whole of its little stock of phrases and notions, which it is pleased to call "ideas", from asinine mouthpieces for contemptible, polyloquent anarchism
As i have explained to your staff who fail to grasp even the most monosyllabic use of the english language once i have received a receipt for the payment which i am legally entitled too i will make the next payment quite willingly. All i ask for is a receipt of payment from you. for all i know you could be anyone in this day of identity theft you could of even got my personal details out of a bin for all i know (which would not surprise me as after talking to your staff i am led to believe that they were eating out of bins two months ago and only applied for jobs with you because their careers as big issue sales persons were not quite panning out for them).
For your information if you refuse to supply a person with a receipt once they have asked for one you are actually breaking the law.
it is because of this lawless behavior that i have received from you that i am with holding payment which is my legal right. just to break that previous statement down for you as i know i have too in to monosyllabic wording. You break law by not give me receipt so i keep cash till you not break law no more. Was that clear enough for you i hope so as i do understand that your staff only have an IQ two points higher than a wet sponge's. so if you could just rectify this situation all will be well again and your staff can go back to their cages and masterbate infront of the visitors too the zoo again.
So in closing if you send to me what you have to send to me by law i will make the payment you are begging for like a scotsman on a london street.
Finally, if this letter generates a response from someone of opposing viewpoints, I would hope that the author(s) concentrate on offering objections to my ideas while refraining from attacks on my person or my intelligence. I've gotten enough of that already from ****** Financial.
Yours Sincerly
Steven Peters
Let me know if you think i went to far
