My sweet effing jebus

[Burns]

Sex and the City = Worst movie in the history of humanity

 

God, the other half has been wanting to see it for a few weeks and I've been flat out refusing, I knew it was going to be crap, why torment myself with that shite basically, I gave in one day and thought i'd be able to catch a bit of shut-eye in the cinema while she watched it wish I'd have kept saying no now, what a waste of time that was

 

Burns' run-down of the shite that is Sex and the City (spoilers, but you're not missing much);

 

Characters:

 

Horse face: this is the one who's supposed to be the main character in it. She makes a living writing all of her friends dirty secrets in books then publishing them (why they don't complain baffles me). She's going out with a guy who is twice her size who does some undisclosed job earning billions of dollars. Her main worries are shoes and clothes, nuff said.

 

Ginger Minge: Lanky tart that goes out with a guy a clear foot shorter than she is. Doesn't like penises in real life. Spends most of the film angry at her husband because she wouldn't shag him and he went elsewhere. We see one of her nipples in the film.

 

Butch Ugly One: Always wears primary colour suits (blue, yellow, red) with shoulder pads to maker her look more butch than she does anyway. She's the most slutty one of the group to make up for her abundence of testicles under that skirt. Likes perving on other people shagging.

 

Highly Strung Strange One: Spends most of the film screaming or shitting herself. Want to punch her square in the face, then kick her in the ovaries.

 

Plot:

 

Four slags who's goal in life is to find a man to marry because they're all desperate.

 

Boobies: 9

Cocks: 1

 

Verdict:

 

I was considering suicide in the film, I mean 2 and a half bloody hours

 

Good Points:

 

She may well apologise with sex.

[Copey]

Good Points:

 

She may well apologise with sex.

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAH

[JAY PS]

used to watch the series just to see Kim Catrall getting her kit off !

Cannot get the Sarah Jp thing ,i think shes pig ugly and very annoying

Told er indoors to go with someone else ,cannot put my self thru a film when it will be on dvd by xmas

 

I think in becoming Victor Mildrew !

[Pipster007]

When Johnathon Ross retires from doing Film 2??? I can see Burnsie filling his shoes perfectly, as a critic

[4parajon]

@ Burnsy

I sent my missus with her friends, you should have stuck to your guns mate and not gone

[Stu_B]

Best film review I have ever read

 

My Missus went with her sister so I thankfully didn't have to sit through this one

[Mr.Sumo]

Classic Burnsey

 

Thank fook my old women HATES going to the cinema

 

[sab6024]

Thanks for that Burns I was considering going but you've made me think again. I'll waste my money on summat else now

 

Brilliant Film report though

[hotrodholty]

i always thought SJP looked like a foot.

skank!

 

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[Stu_B]

I thought she was hot in hocus pocus

[surfingturnip]

class burns, pure class

[caprinerd]

sweet ready for next film review

[Mr Sam]

i cant believe all the hype over it either the serise was good, but not that good

 

ill wait for it on dvd whens its down to about £4 in the clearance bins

 

 

 

nice one burns

[mk2_escort_chick]

I saw it with Mrs Nettles (Clare) and it was wicked. Fooking loved it.