how much do i have to take

[pauline]

now you lot have not know me long so will fill you in on me.

 

am 28 years old and been throu loads of shit

 

been homeless at 16 after beening mental abuise by my mum and dad did not want me with him.

 

have suffered with depression since i was 12 which has not helped with being shy to the way i cope with things is by my cars and putting everything i have in to them.

 

kept getting told am a girl and should not be in to cars as much has i am. I let my dad talk me out of learning to fix cars and wish i never had for thats who i am.

 

has many know i have two lovely kids who i love to bits but have been so ill i forgot for a bit while i was depressed and had everyone telling me what a bad mum i was then telling me i have wonderfull kids.

 

I ended it with my ex husband i could not take it anymore of being his carer and the shouting at when he was bad and the kids could not take it too

 

was rebuilding my life had meet a new man and things were going well untill i got a blood clot in my leg for no reason i know i had a blood clotting disorded but it hit me for 6 plus King hurt was having promblems walking and driving due to the pain. so stu step in to help with the kids.

 

then my nan did not like it so accused ste of abusing the kids which i can swear he did not.

 

it is one to kill a relestionship but we still try socail servicers were in vloved and they could not see anypromblem.

 

then in march he starated cheating on me i dont blame him i had pushed everyone away but when ask he dinded it i stupidly belivied him. nut the hurt of my nan doing this was bad she had watched my mum for years and what she puy me tro and did nothing. iI took a overdose for i did not know how to get any to lisen to me stupid i know.

 

in the end he walked out on the wednesday saying he was not happy he would be round on thursday well i feel apart and could not cope with i all.so did the most stupid thining

 

i took iver 50 tramdol tablets i want to sleep had had not had any in days or thinking stright was still having sex with him.

 

i had locke dmyself in the bedroom the kids were doen sarirs. i some how managed to stay awake all day ste come rpund ans we tes but i was starting to black out so told him what i had done. he walked out with out calling amberlince,,

 

he did down the rd i think for the next min the poilce and aberlince was there.

 

kids were taken to there dads am off to hositaol this was on the 20th june

 

 

I have been fighting ever since have shorted the house out completely made sure the carbaods are full of food and have then monday to wednesday then again thursday after school which i find hard for i have allways been with my kids my ex did bugger all when he was gone.

 

I have jumped throu everyhope set but

 

they say were i was let back to pick them up aftrter i had been to dorset and because i took then to the osf on tuesday was used to say thea am not capable for looking after my kids

 

i never harmed my kids and love them i=to bit but because for whet happed to baby p the incent ones are being made to pay.

 

all i want is to have my kids back i love my kids to bits but now am not alound to see them unless it is at my dads i ahve nevr hurt of smaked by kids in anyway

 

am siting here now getting very drunk for i cant do my normal to calm down for cars or aff the rod and they have been my main line ahich has helped me to replyed my life and ahving a good laugth love being on here taking to people which i never uused to do was all wasy in ralisetships were i was not a lound to and loving it.

 

now am wondering what can i do i need help fixing thcars asap but dont have much money but driving heelps when i am like this morning thendrinking any one can help i just feel like eveyone huts me at the the and i dont blame them i like to have fun and jokes and somethimgs i go to far plus halp

[bigglesmk2]

Not sure what to say to that ?

 

Here have a OSF hug

[countrybumpkin]

it takes and a lot of courage to say all of that, i dont know what to say that will make any difference to how you feel but remember that there is always some light at the end of the tunnel even when it seems like there isnt

[jamie k]

iv met a few people along the same lines as you , i can tell you are needing help ,

 

but i know the problems you face , if you go to a psyciatrisrt doctor etc you will be told "its the drink" this is just because its there easy option ,

 

i take it no matter were you turn no one cares about you as they are only talking to you because its there 9-5 job and thy got to ,

 

i think the best thing you could do is get a freind familly member go out have a good drink/time and enjoy the night , then tommorow go window shopping etc it dont cost much and will get you out and give you time away from the cars because to be honest if there broke there probarly adding to your depression .

 

the next thing is people see you as being fine becase its a mental health prob whereas if you had a broke leg etc they could see you aint right

 

and lastly always remeber your kids will be there for you see them when you can be as good as you can and before you know it they will prob be at your door in a few years of there own accord . i also feel in this case you will get more respect from them as they wont take you for granted .

 

now look how thoughts and feelings have affected your life , and think if you were to do something silly your kids wont have a mother and it will affect them in a greater way .

 

so no matter how much debt your in how many troubles you got keep your chin up and remember your kids need you and stop blaming it on yourself, no doubt someone could help with fixing the car.

 

xxx

[OldskoolSue]

Great advice jamie k

 

As said earlier hun im sorry how things have worked out huge hugs to you

[Arrie]

Speaking as a professional and fellow OSF buddy, I would like to say that you need help, your problems stem back to childhood and possible beyond. Its all very well speking with a friend - but at the end of the day they are a friend, and if you unload too much shit on them you'll only push them away.

 

If funds are short, which they sound like they are, go to the GP and tell them that you would like to be refferred for counselling as a minimun - preferably pychotherapy. CBT would be no good for you as the issues are rooted far to deep.

 

If you do this, it will show the authorities that you are trying to sort out your mental state of mind. This will also benefit your children in the long run.

 

Don't take this the wrong way - but think about this next statement

 

'What messages do you think you were giving your children by taking an overdose?'

 

was it a) I need help! or life shit, I don't care about anyone or c) Its OK to have an overdose with people you love in the house

 

I would be more than willing to help you in any way that I can.

[Durham Fiesta]

i'm sure there will be a few people on the board who will be willing to help you out with the cars as long as you keep them stocked up with stella hope you can get some help to enable you to turn things round. Remember drink is not the answer to your problems, yeah we all have a few now and then but don't start relying on it to block out your troubles and focus all your attention on your kids . Keep your chin up