SCHOOL ANSWERING MACHINE

[ratman]

SCHOOL ANSWERING MACHINE

 

This is the message that apparently a Secondary School staff in the Midlands voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine.

 

This is the actual answering machine message for the school. It came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework.

 

The school and teachers are now being threatened with legal action by some parents who want their children's failing marks changed to passing marks - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the term and did not complete enough schoolwork to pass their various key stages.

 

The outgoing message:

 

Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school.

In order to assist you in connecting to the right member of staff, please listen to all the options before making a selection:

 

* To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1

 

* To make excuses for why your child did not do his/her work- Press 2

 

* To complain about what we do - Press 3

 

* To swear at staff members - Press 4

 

* To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in

your Newsletter and several other letters posted to you - Press 5

 

* If you want us to bring up your child - Press 6

 

* If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7

 

* To request another teacher, for the third time this year -Press 8

 

* To complain about bus transport - Press 9

 

* To complain about school lunches - Press 0

 

LASTLY:

 

If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behaviour, class work, homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort:

 

Hang up and have a really wonderful day!

 

If you want this in other languages, you must be in the wrong country. This is England."

[Jimbob-Squarepants ©]

Damn right

 

Quality

[Copey]

hahaha love it!!

[surfingturnip]

class

[over_head_cam]

Funny. But sadly too true

[Danmex]

 

Reminds me of this one that was being passed round the RAF, this is a copy of a real answer phone message from an Army recruiting office,

 

Subject: Army Answerphone

 

Thank you for calling the British Army. I'm sorry, but all our units are out at the moment, or are otherwise engaged. Please leave a message with your country, name of organisation, the region, the specific crisis and a number at which we can call you. As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Afghanistan,Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers:

 

 

 

A. If your crisis is small and close to the sea, press 1 for the Royal Marines.

 

 

 

B. If your concern is distant, with a tropical climate, good hotels and can be solved by one or two low-risk bombing runs, please press 2 for the Royal Air Force.(Please note that this service is not available after 1630 or at weekends.)

 

 

 

C. If your enquiry concerns a situation which can be resolved by a warship, some bunting, flags, a damn good cocktail party and a first class marching band, please write, well in advance, to the First Sea Lord, The Royal Navy, Whitehall, London SW1.

 

 

 

Thank you for calling and if you are interested in joining the Army please, please do so, although retention is fine and we are right up to strength, you wish to be liberalised, paid little, have premature arthritis, put your wife and family (or gay lover) in a condemned hut miles from civilisation; and are prepared to work your balls off day and night whilst watching the Treasury eroding your original terms and conditions and promising a better pension, serving mainly in sandy climes, whilst picking up rubbish and putting out house fires all over the UK, while fireman and refuse men have a little holiday; then please stay on the line.

 

Your call will shortly be passed onto a bitter, passed-over Recruiting Sergeant in a horrendously fronted, yet grotty little office down by the railway station.

 

 

 

Have a nice day and thank you again for trying to contact The British Army

[Kieran]

[geoffersmasher]

funny, the thing is its true my mum works in a primary school and tells me about it every day

[Daggle]

Where is Jelly Mould Leone?

[ann_capri]

love these