Burns Posted March 27, 2008 Report Posted March 27, 2008 feel free to add your own what should I give sister for unzipping? Um. Ten bucks? no I mean like, WinZip? Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me GarbageStan23: why? Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us. Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire! GarbageStan23: oh shit! Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire.... Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing... *** Now talking in #christian -Word_of_God- Welcome Abstruse to #christian I am a Bible Bot. For more info type: /msg Word_of_God !info !kjv numbers 22:21 Numbers 22:21 -- And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab. - (KJV) *** SageRider sets mode: +b *!*@c211-30-208-111.rivrw3.nsw.optusnet.com.au *** Word_of_God was kicked from #christian by SageRider (Please dont Swear) I know I'm never going to be able to come back in this channel again after this, but damn was it worth it to see that... the "bishop" came to our church today he was a fucken impostor never once moved diagonally my girlfriend broke up with me and sent me pix of her and her new boyfriend in bed ouch. yeah.i sent them to her dad Ouroboros: lets play Pong Ok. | . . | | . . | | . | . Whoops Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the way from A to Z wait, shit Hey Mike what? Pussy. er? Pussy. and? Pussy. ... Pussy. i dont get it AND YOU NEVER WILL. bastard I was in biology class once, and the teacher said there was sugar in sperm And a girl asked why doesn't it taste sweet then When she realised what she said her face became red like a spanked monkey ass Then the teacher said, because you taste sweetness with the front of your tongue, not the part of your tongue back in your throat The girl started crying and left class ^^ <_kr4m3r> so many King criminals, its bullshit heh, if we sent all the criminals to some empty continent and just left them there to die and showed up like 50yrs later like, "sup?" whatd u think they'd say? something along the lines of, "G`Day mate" I swear to god I've just heard a duck tell a joke o...k there was as group of ducks on a pond near where i live one of the ducks was quacking away looking straight at a group of like 10 ducks then he stopped and all the other ducks went mental it looked just like duck stand-up comedy so my dad found my porn folder and he was getting all pissed so its all like "does this surprise you? i'm not stupid you know" "i know dad" "what do you have to say for yourself?" at this point i stare at him straight in the eyes and say "C:Documents and SettingsRickyMy Documentsfaxessent faxes" and he just shut up what is it? its his porn folder I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals. I should bomb something ...and it's off the cuff remarks like that that are the reason I don't log chats Just in case the FBI ever needs anything on me I'm sure they can just get it from someone who DOES log chats. *** FBI has joined #gamecubecafe We saw it anyway. *** FBI has quit IRC (Quit: ) i luv guyz where would they be wifout us gals??? Still in the Garden Of Eden you gullible bitch. I tried setting my hotmail password to penis. It said my password wasn't long enough. Sad The other night my friend had some pot and wanted me to smoke it with him, but we had nowhere to smoke it because both our parents were home. So we drove around looking for a place to park so we could smoke in the car. We eventually settled on a Wendys parking lot.. The logic is all there... I know, it was a ridiculous idea. We were just desperate and that was the first place to pull off.. So we park in the back of the parking lot under this tree, and it's dark out, so we figure we're secluded enough. We start to light up and a cop pulls in. So we both sit really still and hope the cop will think the car is empty and just parked there. Or that he won't notice. The cop circles the parking lot once, then parks behind us and we're both freaking out. So Bobby, my friend, takes all the pot and shoves it in the glove compartment. But the car smells like pot, so we figure we're busted. So Bobby says we've gotta distract the cop from the pot. In a huge flash, he rips his shirt off, undoes my pants and sticks his hand inside. Before I can process what's happening, the cop knocks on my window. Then he looks in and sees Bobby shirtless, with his hand down my pants and turns bright red. I roll my window down and the cop says in this really flustered voice, his face bright red, "you guys be good now" and walks quickly back to his car and drives off. He didn't even notice the smell of pot. We drove home in the most uncomfortable King silence ever. <[bAC]Draxon|TWL> "The animals will hear!" bellowed the ear licking penguin as the awesomely endowed midget sucked her oozing charlies and plugged his purple middle leg into her festering mary. <[bAC]Draxon|TWL> oops <[bAC]Draxon|TWL> wrong window what the fook at my school.. the cop from DARE passed around 3 joints to show everyone... and he said "if i dont get all three of these back this schools getting locked down and everyones getting searched till i find it.." and like 30 minutes later when everyone got to see 'em and they got passed back the cop had 4 I broke my G-string while fingering a minor Sad ... I was trying to play Knocking on Heaven's Door. Oh well, time to buy new strings. we had a guy at school that wore black lipstick.. and was all gothy.. and then one day we caught him buying an assvibrator ew. wait, you "caught" him? like, you were behind him in line at the assvibrator store? he doesnt answer *** Quits: calin (No route to host) some girl on the street asked if i was saved yet i told her i saved at the checkpoint a couple minutes back and can reload from there if i die she was confused Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.." * Porter is now known as PorterWITHGIRLFRIENDWHOISHOT he shot his girlfriend? he was dressed as a big King devil like, HUGE costume 8-foot lizard wings, giant horns on the head at some anime con in california they were double booked with a southern Baptist group in the same hotel he's riding the elevator down to the con space doors open, little old baptist doris standing there he just says "Going Down" in his best evil voice gentoogod: omg dude gentoogod: today i might the stupidest 3 people i ever met gentoogod: thier 3 brains combined couldnt solve the dilemma they faced today siral21: what was it gentoogod: ok before i say this gentoogod: 100% true, not one second of a lie gentoogod: this lady went into mcdonalds today and ordered a big mac for her gentoogod: and ordered 2 mcgrittles one for each kid. one had bacon one without gentoogod: her sons are around 18 or 19 so not infants gentoogod: she went to the counter furious cause the son that wanted bacon has no bacon on his and the one that didnt want bacon has bacon on his gentoogod: i fell on the floor beside her and couldnt stop laughing gentoogod: so i finally stood up and asked her to repeat, thinking maybe shes drunk gentoogod: i swear to god she looked at me straight faced and repeated it. and her 2 sons were beside her mad that they didnt get the order they wanted Stupid King Google "The" is a common word, and was not included in your search "Who" is a common word, and was not included in your search JstWnnaHveFuN08: do you think i should call a guy friend and talk to him about my problems? or will he not care? Thilo: Here's how it works: if a guy helps you with your problems, you're obligated to give him a blowjob. JstWnnaHveFuN08: lol thanks that cheered me up Thilo: No problem. That'll be one blowjob please.
Smudger105e Posted March 27, 2008 Report Posted March 27, 2008 Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the way from A to Z wait, shit rofl
Copey Posted March 27, 2008 Report Posted March 27, 2008 Hey Mike what? Pussy. er? Pussy. and? Pussy. ... Pussy. i dont get it AND YOU NEVER WILL. bastard thats quality!
FlashCadillac Posted March 27, 2008 Report Posted March 27, 2008 Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.."
ZetecVan 2.0 Posted March 27, 2008 Report Posted March 27, 2008 hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars ********* see! hunter2 doesnt look like stars to me ******* thats what I see oh, really? Absolutely you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2 haha, does that look funny to you? lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as ******* thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as ******* awesome! wait, how do you know my pw? er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw oh, ok. YOU ALL SUCK DICK er. hi. A common typo. the keys are like right next to each other. Hey, you know what sucks? vaccuums Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense? black holes Hey, you know what just isn't cool? lava? oh man I was opening a coke, right --> Beefpile (~mbeefpile@cloaked.wi.rr.com) has joined #themacmind and it exploded ALMOST all over my keyboard but I got it away just in time <-- Beefpile has quit (sick fookers) :< <[TN]FBMachine> i got kicked out of barnes and noble once for moving all the bibles into the fiction section HI EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!! try pressing the the Caps Lock key O THANKS!!! ITS SO MUCH EASIER TO WRITE NOW!!!!!!! fook me <_kr4m3r> so many King criminals, its bullshit heh, if we sent all the criminals to some empty continent and just left them there to die and showed up like 50yrs later like, "sup?" whatd u think they'd say? something along the lines of, "G`Day mate" {one for Burns} Is it a bad thing when you swank so much cum nothing but air? <@Zigatoola> man i wish my dick wasnt so big, I get sick of my gf saying it hurts when I slam into her «Zigatoola» yeah.. a 12 yrs old get easily scared of a 4 inch dick
Burns Posted March 28, 2008 Author Report Posted March 28, 2008 yomei2: I had my portable CD player, and took it in the bathroom with me while I went to pee. Miyomei2: And the second I whipped my penis out, the theme song to 'Rocky' started playing. Miyomei2: I've never felt more manly than in that moment. Primus521: hey dude the funniest thing happened to me today Primus521: im at walmart and this chick is buying a box of tampons and they are missing the upc and wont ring up Primus521: so the cashier tells his buddy to get a price check on tampax Primus521: the dude looks at him and says, "the kind u push in, or the kind you hammer in?" Primus521: lol Primus521: turns out he misheard him Primus521: he thought he said thumbtacs Primus521: you should have seen the look on the chicks face Primus521: omfg Primus521: til the day i die Primus521: i will never forget it Oy I had a bad night I couldn't sleep, and had no idea what to do. My parents are still awake, it was midnight, and I was bored. So then I remembered that I had a drama presentation the next class and I played a rich guy so I needed a suit. I take out my suit, and get dressed. You know, the works. I even took out my top hat and my cane. Now it gets a little weird. I had to go downstairs in order to see how I looked as it's the only place with a full body mirror. My parents sleep on the same floor as me so I didn't want to wake them up. So I got this idea. I decided to turn on my TV so that my parents thought people were talking outside, and my footsteps would be noises they were making. I thought it would work, I was tired. I ran downstairs, checked myself out. I looked fine, so I went back into my room Now by then the running in a suit had made me kind of itchy (down south), so I quickly undo my pants and release what was stuck and to relieve my itch with my hand. And my mom opens the door to the room and all I do is freeze in surprise I don't know what she was thinking, but I can tell you the following It was midnight, I was in a suit and top hat, and I appeared to be jacking off to George from Seinfeld. And my mom just stood there in disbelief I can't tell you what ensued, but it involved attempted exorcism and lots of crying Best night ever Theatre tickets are 91$ at the cheapest? Jesus Christ. What do they think I am, made of money? Cause even if I was, that's like sawing my dick in half for theatre tickets. so I was with my friend bryan the other night in a bar well he got really drunk and said he was gonna puke so i helped him walk to the toilet all the stalls were occupied lol bryan is a rugby player... so a big guy so he King KICKS one of the stall doors open and there's this guy in there taking a shit hahahahahaha and bryan throws up ALL OVER HIM then (this is genius) bryan thinks 'oh shit... if i were taking a shit and someone came in and was sick all over me, i'd want to fook him up... so i'd better hit him first' so he King SMACKS this guy in the face and runs away imagine being that guy... WORST NIGHT OUT EVER don't you hate it when you shit on the floor, and you can hear it fall but you have no idea where it actually landed, and spend like 5 minutes looking for it ... what? oh shit don't you hate it when you DROP shit docsigma2000: jesus christ man docsigma2000: my son is sooooooo dead c8info: Why? docsigma2000: hes been looking at internet web sites in King EUROPE docsigma2000: HE IS SURFING LONG DISTANCE docsigma2000: our King phone bill is gonna be nuts c8info: Ooh, this is bad. Surfing long distance adds an extra $69.99 to your bill per hour. docsigma2000: ...!!!!!! fook fook fook docsigma2000: is there some plan we can sign up for??? docsigma2000: cuz theres some cool stuff in europe, but i dun wanna pauy that much c8info: Sorry, no. There is no plan. you'll have to live with it. docsigma2000: o well, i ccan live without europe intenet sites. docsigma2000: but till i figure out how to block it hes sooooo dead c8info: By the way, I'm from Europe, your chatting long distance. ** docsigma2000 has quit (Connection reset by peer) I helped the EMTs at a car wreck and got blood all over my arms and shirt. It looked like I murdered 20 people with a fork... anyway, I walked into a convieniance store down the street and said my girlfriend needs a tampon. The guy at the counter was mortified. Now, I’m sure many of you have encountered little shits in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little turds that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it. Okay, here’s the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the King skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little shit’s teeth as he was grinning at me like the little mary he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming “SHIT! SHIT!.” Now, my good friend, Tom we’ll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting “fook! MAYBE HE DIDN’T GET IT! fook!.” By now, the kid is scared shitless and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid. Here’s the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, “Mam, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I’m… I’m King HIV POSITIVE.” And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just fooked up big time because his mom isn’t defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my shit from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just s we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the mary she is. I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob. 1. Save every Free Credit Card Offer you get, Put it in pile A 2. Save every Free Coupon You get, put that in pile B 3. Now open the credit card mail from pile A and find the Business Reply Mail Envelope. 4. Take the coupons from pile B and stuff them in the envelope you hold in your hand. 5. Drop the stuffed to the brim envelopes in your mail and walk away whistling. I have now received two phone calls from the credit card companies telling me that they received a stuffed envelope with coupons rather then my application. They informed me that it they are not pleased that they footed the bill for the crap I sent them. I reply with "It says Business Reply Mail" I'm suggesting coupons to you to ensure that your business is more successful. They promptly hang up on me. Now, I did this for about a month before it got boring, so I got an added idea! I added exactly 33 cents worth of pennies to the envelope so they paid EXTRA due to the weight. I got a call informing me about the money, I said it was a mistake and I demanded my change back. After yelling at the clerk and then to the supervisor they agreed to my demands and cut me a check for the money. I hold in my hand at this very moment a check from GTE Visa for exactly 33 cents. InnerGoat: My wife has 2 problems. One is the fact that everytime she gets drunk she gets mean. She always looks for a fight, or a way to make me feel like shit me. The other problem is that every morning after she gets drunk she has an explosive watery shit. One night she pushed me to far. She was drunk of course and felling a little frisky so we we messing around and I tried to put it in the butt, she got mad and started talking shit, about how I'm no good and my dick is small, and that she probally wouldn't even feel it. so we never did have sex. After she went to sleep I couldn't get the pain of her saying my dick was small out of my head. I wanted to embarrass her as much as she embarrased me. So I got an Idea I went to my sons room and got his bag of marbles. i then went to my secret stash and got a bottle of lube. I could just image her reactions when you shit marbles the next morning. I lubed them up one at a time and slowly pushed each one in. About a hundered in all. I got so excited I jerked off then giggled my self to sleep. The next morning I woke up so excited I couldn't stand it. I made allot of noise getting dressed so she would wake up. She did and not 3 minutes later she said " oh my stomach. not again" and ran to the bathroom. I was in thee brushing my teeth. Usually she would tell me to leave but the urge was to intense. She sat down and let it rip. She dam near had a heart attack from the noise. The marbles hitting the porcelin sounded like a machine gun going off in the bathroon. She turned white as a sheet and stood up. Still shitting all over the place. Marbles rolling all over the floor as they bounced around. It took her a couple of minutes to put it all together. She said " What the fook" I just laughed and laughed as she packed her shit and left. I really do kind of miss her though. You know how women say "I wouldnt sleep with you even if you were the last man on earth" ? Well if you WERE the last two people on the earth, i hardly think sex is the first thing on your mind... it's clearly going to be "let's raid Toys'R'us.." brad, your mom is fine as shit i think i will masturbate to her while i play with my balls brad had to go blow his nose, but thanks for the compliment, i will be calling your mother Jesus-King christ!!! can you guys see what I type? no, raize How do I set it up so you can see it? i like stalked this girl sorta Very Happy like once she asked me for a ride home from work and i took her home... i dropped her off at her house and shes like... wait a minute..how did you know where i lived? <@AntiHeiss> friend of mine went to jail last night <@AntiHeiss> he probably isn't getting out for a while <%The_Coolest> y? <+Enyo> why? <%The_Coolest> Surprised <@AntiHeiss> it was a girl cop, she was pretty cute too <@AntiHeiss> she said anything you say can and will be held against you....he sat there for a while and said 'tits'
Gonzo Posted March 28, 2008 Report Posted March 28, 2008 Now, I’m sure many of you have encountered little shits in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little turds that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it. Okay, here’s the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the fooking skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little shit’s teeth as he was grinning at me like the little turd he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming “SHIT! SHIT!.” Now, my good friend, Tom we’ll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting “fook! MAYBE HE DIDN’T GET IT! fook!.” By now, the kid is scared shitless and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid. Here’s the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, “Mam, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I’m… I’m fooking HIV POSITIVE.” And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just fooked up big time because his mom isn’t defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my shit from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just s we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the turd she is. I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob. I f*cking LOL'D!!!!
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