If you could give someone advice to help their day to day...

[GJUK]

If you could give someone 1 bit of advise to help them in their day to day life, what would you say?

 

Me.

 

When phoning those call centres and you start hearing all that waffle about "Hello, welcome to XYZ, would you like to select one for speaking to another robot or two for someone who speaks welsh or three for a free trip to the moon or..."

 

Press # on the keypad and 9/10 you fly past the crap to speak to someone human.

 

So what you've heard my tip, what's yours?

 

Jon

[X-pack-Glyn]

When having a crap, place a piece of bog paper completly covering the surface of the water.... hey presto...youl never have a splash back up your dilated hoop over again!

[GJUK]

I knew this thread was a great idea.

[trakevlyn]

Always marry a doris with small hands as it makes your willy look bigger

[over_head_cam]

Never trust ANYONE.

[Pipster007]

Don't answer the phone when you're ironing

[Fishtailparka]

Buy one that's already done.

[sambo]

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.

 

'tis true.

[Pipster007]

It’s better to keep your mouth shut and have people think you are a fool than to open it and remove any lingering doubt.

[Stu_B]

Don't weld next to a battery!

Was helping my mate with his cortina last night & a bit of weld splatter landed on the battery.... he thought he'd brushed it off but it went in one of the filler plugs! Few minutes later BOOOM & the fright of out lives

[flord escort]

Always put your smile on. People will assume you are a crazy person and won't mess with you.

[flord escort]

Be kind to others, send me money

[flord escort]

Spice up your sex life by trying a bit of `rodeo sex`. Take your missus from behind and, holding on tightly to her jugs, call her by the wrong name. See how long you can `stay mounted` for.

[flord escort]

BUS DRIVERS. Pretend you're an airline pilot by wedging your accelerator pedal down with a heavy book, securing the steering wheel with some old rope, and then strolling back along the bus chatting casually to the passengers.

[Vista]

Never trust ANYONE.

 

ESPECIALLY someone with a dilated hoop!

 

When having a crap, place a piece of bog paper completly covering the surface of the water.... hey presto...youl never have a splash back up your dilated hoop over again!

[Yeomans22]

learn to weld.

[Trevmk3]

BUS DRIVERS. Pretend you're an airline pilot by wedging your accelerator pedal down with a heavy book, securing the steering wheel with some old rope, and then strolling back along the bus chatting casually to the passengers.

 

has someone been reading "the viz" top tips?