Men and Women. Too true.

[sambo]

1. NAMES

 

If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.

 

If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

 

2. EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20 , even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

 

3. MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A doris will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.

 

4. BATHROOMS

A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.

The average number of items in the typical doris's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

 

5. ARGUMENTS

A doris has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that... is the beginning of a new argument.

 

6.CATS

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

 

7. FUTURE

A doris worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

 

8. SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful doris is one who can find such a man.

 

9. MARRIAGE

A doris marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a doris expecting that she won't change , and she does.

 

10. DRESSING UP

A doris will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

 

11. NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

 

12. OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A doris knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

 

13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

[flyingbanana]

[antz]

12. OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A doris knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

 

 

just like my dad

[Slik 50]

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

 

 

Amen to that my brother

[Mk2Jo]

FPMSL ..... have heard it before but still very, very funny

[Jimbob-Squarepants ©]

LMFAO

[jay]

[Cookie]

11. NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

 

12. OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A doris knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

 

 

 

 

 

fookin excellent

[fezza]

very good

[m1c]

bump from page 396 cos it still applies and its still funny

[Chelle]

Cor blast from the past

[Tracey]

Like it

[Gonzo]

Amen! And it's all true!

 

 

Saying that, any kids I have will be taught how to identify tools so as soon as they know how to walk, they'll be able to help me with me bikes.

[surfingturnip]

12. OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A doris knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

 

 

just like my dad

 

arent you taller than him?

[Josh_gsy]

haha thats well funny

[Kieran]