The stupid things you've done when drunk

[Vista]

Saw this tattoo on the net and it gave me an idea for a new thread.

 

[PeteRS8084]

It's like the bucket of flowers,  oh hang on a bouquet of flowers lol

[accord83]

When I was 15, and rather drunk, I played cat bag pipes, never again.................

[Vista]

1 hour ago, accord83 said:

When I was 15, and rather drunk, I played cat bag pipes, never again.................

Cat bag pipes? I don't know if I want to ask! 🤔

[Rally Pack 2000]

 

[accord83]

Nah, my version involved being 15, parents away for the weekend, a small select party around, just enough Watneys Party Seven to be completely stupid, but not quite enough to vomit on the lawn, and next doors hated, bad tempered, massive ginger tom cat.

Grabbed, and tucked under my armpit. Did I say it was bad tempered, it bleeding well was when I stupidly bit its tail. The big bastard ripped my t shirt and me to shreds in its high velocity claw spinning exit.

 

It did sound like the bagpipes though!

So did I when I added TCP antiseptic to my wounds.........😱

[Rally Pack 2000]

50 minutes ago, accord83 said:

Nah, my version involved being 15, parents away for the weekend, a small select party around, just enough Watneys Party Seven to be completely stupid, but not quite enough to vomit on the lawn, and next doors hated, bad tempered, massive ginger tom cat.

Grabbed, and tucked under my armpit. Did I say it was bad tempered, in bleeding well was when I stupidly bit its tail. The big bastard ripped my t shirt and me to shreds in its high velocity claw spinning exit.

 

It did sound like the bagpipes though!

So did I when I added TCP antiseptic to my wounds.........😱

Had I of known all this I would have called you to help me take care of the ginger tom that kept pissing and scratching my car. Everyone else seem them as some defenceless innocent creature.

After he clawed his way up a slippery front guard that I had just painted that day my neighbour who owns him said "We would have offered to pay for the damages but we know you like doing these things yourself!"

[accord83]

42 minutes ago, Rally Pack 2000 said:

Had I of known all this I would have called you to help me take care of the ginger tom that kept pissing and scratching my car. Everyone else seem them as some defenceless innocent creature.

After he clawed his way up a slippery front guard that I had just painted that day my neighbour who owns him said "We would have offered to pay for the damages but we know you like doing these things yourself!"

Now THAT ginger cat would have been made into a Davy Crockett hat damn quick, and your neighbour would have had its claws shoved up his arse if that had been a younger me. I'm much more devious now....

[Rally Pack 2000]

6 minutes ago, accord83 said:

Now THAT ginger cat would have been made into a Davy Crockett hat damn quick, and your neighbour would have had its claws shoved up his arse if that had been a younger me. I'm much more devious now....

That same cat while in a fight broke the fibreglass rear spoiler I had on the Mk2 so I went and bought one of the replica rubber ones and the second day after fitting it pissed on it etching the surface leaving a mark that is there to this day. Also its the same cat that pissed in my newly machined Twincam drums. I was forbidden to respond but happy to contract the job out and you can keep the hat!

[accord83]

Holy crap, that is some cat, and you have extraordinary patience. The ginger tom climbed in through my dormer bedroom window one summer and crapped/pissed in the corners,  just to annoy my dog I think, whoa did it stink. The cat disappeared but the neighbours had heard someone was seen enticing a large ginger cat into a car, there was lots disappearing for their fur at the time, and this was the explanation for its absence.

 

 

It must have had a double, I believe it actually died of lead poisoning..................😉

[Rally Pack 2000]

12 minutes ago, accord83 said:

Holy crap, that is some cat, and you have extraordinary patience. The ginger tom climbed in through my dormer bedroom window one summer and crapped/pissed in the corners,  just to annoy my dog I think, whoa did it stink. The cat disappeared but the neighbours had heard someone was seen enticing a large ginger cat into a car, there was lots disappearing for their fur at the time, and this was the explanation for its absence.

 

 

It must have had a double, I believe it actually died of lead poisoning..................😉

My patience sort of extended to the rubber mallet I threw at it several times but missed. As much as I try to care for animals I did look up options to poison him but thought better of it. The whole affair was from the initial cat fight on the rear of my car with another cat from across the street (called Chopper). The Ginger was badly torn up from the incident and it was violent enough to break the spoiler. But from that time on the ginger cat would come back to the very same spot to mark his territory to deter Chopper from ever coming back. The neighbours heard my swearing each time though but refused to do anything. There hasn't been an incident for a year or so now, he has been kept inside being old an infirmed. I plan on toasting champagne when I hear he has moved on.

[accord83]

In that case, not wanting to harm the cat, a high pressure hose is very effective. (or a gentle rub down its back to raise it's tail and a dab of muscle rub on its third eye.....)

[Rally Pack 2000]

11 minutes ago, accord83 said:

In that case, not wanting to harm the cat, a high pressure hose is very effective. (or a gentle rub down its back to raise it's tail and a dab of muscle rub on its third eye.....)

I actually did put the hose on him once. He smashed this terracotta outdoor thermometer dial thing we had hanging on the fence as he escaped over it. Its evil.

[colr6]

51 minutes ago, accord83 said:

In that case, not wanting to harm the cat, a high pressure hose is very effective. (or a gentle rub down its back to raise it's tail and a dab of muscle rub on its third eye.....)

 

38 minutes ago, Rally Pack 2000 said:

I actually did put the hose on him once. He smashed this terracotta outdoor thermometer dial thing we had hanging on the fence as he escaped over it. Its evil.

You pair of softees, I’d have shot the bloody thing! Take it to a field and bury it!! If your conscience was getting the better of you, make it a headstone out of lollipop sticks withe inscription ‘ pissy ‘ job done 👍

[Rally Pack 2000]

18 minutes ago, colr6 said:

 

You pair of softees, I’d have shot the bloody thing! Take it to a field and bury it!! If your conscience was getting the better of you, make it a headstone out of lollipop sticks withe inscription ‘ pissy ‘ job done 👍

I let my shooters licence lapse! FPC would be better for the headstone I shouted it out loud very very often. It shouldn't be too hard to guess what those initials stood for.

I should point out my tempered response is due to the fact that the cats owner is my god mother and her son was my brothers best man. That and I was clearly the prime suspect if it ever went missing. I was bound to be blamed!

[DT36]

Where we used to live an ignorant and arrogant bastard used to let his dogs out  in the back lane. 

The Jack Russell he had bit my boy on the face when he was 3 years old in our own garden. When we came back from A&E I went out looking for it, but the slippery git had hidden the dog down his parents house. Having been told this by another neighbour, it was very strange that the dog died about 2 weeks later. The story I heard was that it was half a tin of boot Polish with the other half filled with bleach and sugar, warmed on the cooker and thrown into the Parents garden. Odd how you hear these rumours. 

Then, the Twunt went and got himself a Boxer dog, that again he started to let out. He had the talk from a few people about letting it roam, but some people just have skin like a Rhino. Within 6 months I heard my 4 year old daughter crying outside the back door in the garden. The Boxer came over the fence and had her cornered and growled every time she tried to move. The neighbour actually told me he was going to call the Police after I punted his dog in the ribs. 

Oddly enough, it died a few weeks later and even more oddly, the Missus said she couldn't find the boot Polish... 🤔

 

[Vista]

Well I checked out cat bagpipes on YouTube. WTF is this all about??

 

[Rally Pack 2000]

WTF? Is this a uniquely American thing or something people do alot to their cats in general? Mind you we have our own quirky way to deal with cats. I think @Accord83 will jump to the front of any immigration queue based on his post above!

 

[accord83]

2 hours ago, colr6 said:

 

You pair of softees, I’d have shot the bloody thing! Take it to a field and bury it!! If your conscience was getting the better of you, make it a headstone out of lollipop sticks withe inscription ‘ pissy ‘ job done 👍

"It must have had a double, I believe it actually died of lead poisoning..................😉"

You might have missed that bit Col, 😁

John.

[colr6]

Must have done 🤭 man after my own heart as they say...or is it great minds think alike...lol. Some people may say evil B####ds.....yeah😂😂😂😂😂