Pub Talk

[john_3.0s]

What are the funiest OSF "pub talk" stories you have heard then - you know "my old 1.6 capri used to do 140 as it had a 5 speed" etc etc

[105Speed]

'My mate told me Escort Suspension just bolts straight onto an Anglia'

 

'Classic Struts.. thats what you need to get disk brakes on your Anglia'

 

 

'I had a 1500GT in there out of a Cortina, with the GT gearbox and it was a fly machine used to do 120 no bother....'

 

 

The irony is the 1500GT box is the same as the standard 1200 Anglia

 

 

 

And when I had my RS500 the amount of times I heard...

 

 

'Yeah they are called the RS500 because they are 500 brake mate'

[orionmojo]

 

'Yeah they are called the RS500 because they are 500 brake mate'

 

i thought that was true about the touring ones, but the road ones because there was 500 made?

 

a few weeks ago i posted on here about someone that had a 3.8 capri used to blast everything.

 

and the usual ' i had one of those, i used to get 90 out of thid gear'

[over_head_cam]

Heard a bloke the other day in the local: "...well of course Sierras are old skool"

 

[sambo]

Yeah the classic is "i used to get 90 out of 3rd gear mate"

lol

[john_3.0s]

Classics!

 

What made me think was a bloke started to talk about capris with me and reckoned he used to pull the choke out on his old 1600GT to get a bit more power when overtaking!

[V8ian]

All steel mate, no filler in this car, apart from the fibreglass wings, oh, and the bonnet and boot lid, but its never been welded, apart from the new floor and the A & B posts, and will not take much to get it thru the MOT, Ive never heard any of these mentioned in pub talk at all.

[Slik 50]

Me and me mates went the pub after watching the film "Tommy Boy".

In the film a couple of blokes went cow tipping, Now after about 8 pints of guiness it sounded like a bit of a laff to try the same.

 

So we left the pub and walked about 3 miles to the nearest farm, We noticed a few cows in the distance, so in total darkness we crossed two massive fields only to find that the cows that were stood up were awake and the rest of them were lying down fast asleep

 

We got p*ssed wet through and coverd in cow sh*t

[adam.wilkinson]

FPMSL! What???lol

[shortie]

when i had my 2.8/9 capri was " i used to have a 3.0 injection sport" never been made mate, "yeah it was cos i had one!" No, it was either a 2.8 injection or a 3.0 sport. "no, i'm telling ya it was a 3.0 injection sport!" don't tell me it had the ghia interior too? "come to mention it i think it may well of done, it didn't have those sporty seats cos they are crap, had some real nice big comfy ones in it!" So basically you had a mongrel? "no, it was a well nice car, bright orange it was, 4 headlights and went like stink." 3.0 sport then! "no ffs, it was an injection sport, i'm telling ya cos i know my cappers." By this point i was ready to twat the bloke!! turned out it was a 2.0laser that had been played with i.e painted orange with a different exhaust system ond NOT A V6 IN SIGHT!!!!

[Rick]

i cant talk to ppl like that makes me FURIOUS i just let them get on with it and tell whoever im with that hes talking bullshit and knows nothing, then we just laugh at them/

 

i had a bloke ask: 'so what car you building then'

i replied 'mk1 escort mexico replica'

he replied (in a rather loud piss take voice): 'is THAT all...'

 

then he continued to tell me how he can wheelspin his volvo estate in reverse and that its one of the fastest cars about....

 

i just let him get on with it and kept nodding. (although i wanted to punch his fat face)

[mk1mexico]

I got a 'nice mk2 mate' in the local petrol station clown.

[GT_Jim]

i was talking to a guy at a pub meet once and he was telling me about his mk1 mex he was building, 1760cc xflow 5speed, caged, arched and linked etc.

 

he then asked me what i was going to do with mine and i told him that i am considering a zetec conversion for him to only have a go at me that these cars should be kept standard

[borneo]

"Yeah mate i used to have one of those! 2.8 Laser!"

[Doc]

Whaen i had my 105 e this bloke was telling me that he had a jacked up 105 e with a jag rear end and a twin cam fiat engine . Metalflake and all that stuff .

 

I go yeah yeah very good and he says no really i did .. well do come have a look .

 

We walk 50 mtrs from the pub to a yard and in the back fook me there it was in all its 70s glory !

 

He says you can buy it for £5000 ... i passed on that one LOL .

 

Oh it had a tuck and roll interior too ......

[Lee-Mk2]

Everyone's Capri was always a RS3100!

 

Had a guy try to sell me the latest "Ker-plunk Blue Spot" stereo once.

[Retromotorsport]

pub talk ...

 

" I had a mk2 that was the quickest one this side of wales ... they have fast ones there cos they rally them, it would eat any other mk2 out there.."

"have you been round Brands Hatch in it ?"

"no"

"well how do you know its the fastest "

 

He then went on to say what the engine had.. including the " pancake on the Nikkie Carb"

 

(ok how many are going to own up to knowing about Nikkies?)

 

Or when they walk in the workshop ....

 

" i had one of those "

" you mean you had a standard Escort"

"no one of those "

" what it was 6 linked , bubbled arched and had a weld in cage with a cossie turbo engine "

"no it was a 1300"

"right so you had a standard escort "

"no it was a GT like that one "

"well this is an 1100 xl "

"oh .. any way can you do a clutch on my mondeo?"

"No "

 

But the most annoying workshop wanderers are the ..............

"You gonna banger race that then "

"no"

"oh is if for someone then"

"yes"

"is he going to banger race it then"

"its not a banger"

"looks like a banger racer"

" what do you want"

"ahh can you do a clutch in my cavilier"

"no dont do cluches "

" you used to "

" that was Mr Clutch ... they left over 6 years ago "

" oh so you dont do clutches "

"no"

" shame cos you was good , you fitted the last one "

"no that was Mr Clutch, i've never fitted clutches"

"you did"

"NO That was MR CLUTCH ..."

"so you just do bangers now "

"NO I F***KING DONT, THAT PILE OF SHITE CAV THATS OUT THERE IS WORTH £300 AND THIS. THIS IS WORTH AROUND 30K , NOW GET OUT I GOT WORK TO DO"

"Ok ok sorry i spoke "

 

roll on 6 months later ..the same bloke came in and saw a Mk1 big wing cossied escort sitting there and said ............

 

"jesus christ thats gorgeous, bet thats worth a bit ... "

"yeah just a bit... what can i do for you"

"bet thats 30-40k's worth"

" yeah around that ... what can i do for you "

" i've got a wheel bearing gone can you do"

"no and that car there is the one you called a banger last time you came in "

 

"Ooooh "

 

"bye "

 

or conversations to that effect

[Stu_B]

Hehe yeah my mate had one for his mini but never fitted it - it had a window so you could see the fuel in it!!

[V8ian]

I remember Nickies, but then I am nearly as old as you Gary.

[Daggle]

[105Nick]

"Dont see many 100E's about anymore"

"well its actually a 105E"

"Oh"

 

"Excuse me, is that a Tiumph Herald?"

"Excuse me? Its a Ford Anglia! I'm busy."

 

"So what do you get up to."

"Playing with old Fords."

"Oh wow, old cars are always nice. My Cavalier's nice."

"Errm, right."

 

"So what you building?"

"Mk1 Escort, rebuilt GT, twin choke webber, capri struts, Bilstiens, slammed, mexico wings, 6-clock dash, ashley exhaust and Mexico arches"

"So thats a classic nowadays then?" - sarcasm

"fook off"

 

At kit car show passed by an orange cobra rep with a small block chevy on some ARE rims

"Nice to see one done properly with the right engine and everything"

 

Or mention my dad's got a bubble car:

"Oh I remember those what with two wheels at the front and one at the back"

"Yep"

"With the door at the front"

"Yeah"

"Oh, a Messerschmidtt!"

"No, an Issetta."

"Oh I remember them too, they had the perspex canopy that lifts up and one seat behind the other"

"No thats a Messerschmidtt"

"With the door at the front?"

"No! With the canopy that lifts up - thats a Messerschmidtt - we have an Issetta"

"Oh right, with the canopy that lifts up and sit one behind the other"

I'm in the fuc*ing owners club I know what I've got!

[Gareth]

I got told:

"I had loads of old escorts me."

"Yeah?"

"That a mk1 or 2?"

"Errr...."

"You should put an RS2000 nose cone on it mate."

"Um, on a mk1???"

 

Another guy told me that his 2.8 injection Capper

was all stage 2 and did 155 mph......

 

He reckoned it was his 9th in about 25 years,

and when he came back here from Germany in the '80's,

he bought a mk1 and spent £2k on the suspension,

and £2k on the engine....

 

He stunk like a brewery...