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Posted
23 hours ago, Dave Knight said:

The man who invented the speed boat has died. 
 

it’s his funeral tomorrow, followed by a wake. 

Shit, just seen this post, timing is everything as they say

  • Haha 2
  • 4 weeks later...
Posted

A postman had been delivering letters all day in pouring rain. By late afternoon he was soaked, muddy, and exhausted.

He had just one final letter left, but unfortunately it was two miles down a narrow country lane.

By the time he reached the house he looked like he’d been mud wrestling.

He shut the garden gate, turned around…

…and suddenly a massive Rottweiler jumped up, putting two huge paws on his chest.

The postman froze.

Just then a little old lady leaned out of the upstairs window and shouted,

“Don’t worry, son! Just kick his balls!”

The postman yelled back,

“WHAT?!”

She shouted again,

“Kick his balls and he'll leave you alone! - he loves it”

Now the postman was wearing heavy size-12 steel-toe boots, the proper military kind.

So he took a step back and WHACK! — booted the dog square between the legs.

The dog let out a terrible howl took a step back and growled angrily at the postie.

The old lady screamed,

“You’re in BIG trouble now!”

The postman gasped,

“Why?! You told me to kick his balls!”

The old lady sighed and said,

“I meant the squeaky ones on the lawn beside you!” 😆

  • Haha 4

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