Seen any good jokes you want to share?

[Huge]

This will freak you out!

[Vista]

Englishman: "That your dog?"
Welshman: "Aye"
Englishman: "Mind if I speak to him?'
Welshman: "Dog don't talk.”
Englishman: Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doing all right."

Welshman: (look of shock)

Englishman: Is this your owner?" (Pointing at the Welshman)
Dog: "Yep."
Englishman: How's he treating you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the park once a week to play."

Welshman: (Look of total disbelief!)

Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Welshman: "Horse don't talk.”
Englishman: "Hey horse how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool."

Welshman: (Extreme look of shock!)

Englishman: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the Welshman)
Horse: "Yep."
Englishman: "How's he treating you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in a nice stable to protect me from the weather."

Welshman: (Look of total amazement!)

Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Welshman: "That sheep's a liar, don't believe a word he says!!”

[Rally Pack 2000]

[Huge]

Really 😳💷💷💷 nice RS but........

[katana]

Maybe a bit necky but if someone offers £100k - would you turn it down, especially if it has documented sporting heritage?

[eeb43]

not concours!!!!

[colr6]

Got this sent to me today

[Huge]

Be careful....

[sierra3dr]

[Rally Pack 2000]

[Daddio]

[Vista]

A woman has lunch with 2 of her unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and she has been married for 20+ years.

They were chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes. They agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Here's how it all went.

The engaged friend: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams...I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long.

The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.

Then the married woman had to share her story: When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said: " What's for dinner, Zorro?"

 

[Huge]

BRILLIANT 😂😂😂😂😂😂

[Rally Pack 2000]

People in the UK and USA keep saying how much fun Angry Birds are? Australians just dont get it?

[Vista]

8 hours ago, Rally Pack 2000 said:

People in the UK and USA keep saying how much fun Angry Birds are? Australians just dont get it?

That's a Cassowary isn't it? I've heard you don't mess with those.

Me? Mmmmmm, taste like chicken.....burp. 

[accord83]

If it walked across my wife's freshly mopped kitchen floor it would be plucked, drawn, jointed, and in the oven before it took more than 5 steps, I don't care how tough your Aussie sparrows are.😂😂 It's a strange place you live James!

[Rally Pack 2000]

11 hours ago, Vista said:

That's a Cassowary isn't it? I've heard you don't mess with those.

Me? Mmmmmm, taste like chicken.....burp. 

 Yes Thats exactly what it is Scott! Well done its not as well known as Emus. They are totally nasty pieces of work. That horned crest on the heads is to plough through dense scrub at speed. Clawed feet and just constantly savage. My first job in high school was at the local wildlife park and I had to go in the enclosure to feed one they had. It had killed all its mates and had worn its beak down to a stump from rubbing it along the fence like Freddy Kruger's knife hands. Cleaning the crocodile pond out was safer than feeding that thing. Dinosaurs evolved into birds, this one is what happened to Velocirapters when they evolved, temperament claws and all. People are scared of Emus when they are just bumbling and stupid things and no danger at all. Fortunately Cossowary's are only found in Far North QLD and the boarder is closed from the virus so we are safe for now.

10 hours ago, accord83 said:

If it walked across my wife's freshly mopped kitchen floor it would be plucked, drawn, jointed, and in the oven before it took more than 5 steps, I don't care how tough your Aussie sparrows are.😂😂 It's a strange place you live James!

She sounds scarier! We arent all living in fear of fangs with creatures ready to eat us at any moment as some would think, we live orderly lives and cross at the cross-walk just like everyone else!

 

Tourism Advertisers really need to focus on the more cuddly things the country has to offer if they want to win back visitors after the virus.

[accord83]

Bloody hell, the size of that Newt on the crossing!

[Vista]

[Vista]

The madam of a brothel has a problem, so she goes to a local priest. “I have two talking female parrots,” she tells him. “All they can say is "Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"

“That’s awful,” the priest agrees, “but I have a solution to your problem. I have two male parrots whom I’ve taught to pray and read the Bible. If we put your parrots with mine, I believe yours will stop saying that awful phrase and will instead learn to recite the word of God.”

The next day, the madame brings her parrots to the priest’s house and puts them in with the male parrots, who are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.

“Hi, we’re prostitutes,” say the females. “Do you want to have some fun?”

One male parrot looks at the other and squawks, “Close that Bible, Frank! Our prayers are answered!”

[Vista]

Seems a good shout!

 

[Vista]

Why spelling is important

 

[Vista]

The braveat little hobbit of them all (according to Leonard Nimoy anyway)

 

[Rally Pack 2000]

[Rally Pack 2000]